May 14, 2022 – Selena Gomez / Post Malone (S47 E20)

Cold Open – Depp/Heard

• I’ve already got a bad feeling about this.
• Lame opening line from Kate.
• After Kate’s mention of the Depp/Heard trail, I can already tell this is going to wash over me, as I don’t follow celebrity news. To quote the great Homer Simpson, “No one watches that stupid show”.
• Cecily is kinda unrecognizable as the judge.
• Didn’t care too much for the line about the trial being for fun.
• Odd gaffe with Kyle saying his line before the screen has even displayed the footage.
• Kenan’s making me laugh with his delivery.
• Wait, is this gonna be relying on bathroom humor? If so, then man, this is doomed.
• Not caring too much for the running gag with Cecily being interested in the videos.
• Figures that Melissa would play a Hispanic lady.
• This long joke is going on forever and ever…
• Odd segue into LFNY.
• Overall, wow, this was awful.

Rating: *½

Monologue

• Having Selena host instead of being musical guest is kinda a good thing, for reasons I’ll get into in Blood’s review of the Season 41 Ronda Rousey episode.
• That’s a nice outfit that Selena’s wearing. In fact, if I’m being honest, I think I may have a crush on her.
• Right out of the gate, I’m liking Selena’s delivery.
• Oooohhhhhh God, I forgot that Selena was in Barney, along with Demi Lovato. Please kill me.
• A good laugh from Selena being unsure if Steve Martin and Martin Short are “sexy”.
• Selena’s Miley Cyrus impression isn’t all that bad.
• Did Selena just say “Colon Jost”?
• Didn’t care too much for Kyle’s bit.
• I love James’ “Jeff” bit.
• A good laugh from Punkie’s entrance.
• Punkie’s kinda slaying me with her whole bit.
• Oh God, kill me now! She’s singing that closing song from Barney, and I feel the need to strangle the first person I see!!!! I’ll take Laurie Berkner, thank you very much.

Rating: ***½

Bratz

• Interesting seeing Sarah play a little girl.
• This set looks awfully familiar.
• Hmm, not too sure about this premise.
• Not caring for Aidy’s voice.
• Surprisingly, Selena’s delivery isn’t all that great, and is making me think of Kim Kardashian.
• Didn’t care for the song they just sang.
• By the way, this is starting to give me unwanted flashbacks to the Costco Meeting sketch from the Kim Kardashian episode that was wisely cut.
• This isn’t doing too much for me so far.
• Why does Aidy look like she’s about to crack up?
• Awful brief song.
• Lame ending.

Rating: **

Old Enough

• Interesting pairing of Mikey and Selena.
• The background music is starting to hold my interest more than the written material.
• Solid performance from Mikey as a kid-like man.
• A good laugh from how Selena’s interview was cut off.
• An okay brief bit with Kenan.
• The material is only mildly funny at best.

Rating: ***

A Peek at Pico

• Melissa playing a Hispanic woman for the second time tonight? Kinda lazy, isn’t it?
• Not too crazy about the bit with Mikey’s interview being cut off so soon.
• Selena’s Hispanic accent is okay, but not too great.
• Melissa’s delivery sounds way too reminiscent of Jennifer Lopez, and is giving me flashbacks to the Hoops sketch those two did together.
• What the fuck is up with the camera? It went slightly out of whack.
• The performances are providing my only amusement here, as the material is only mildly funny at best.

Rating: ***

Play

• Hmm, not too sure if this will end well.
• Didn’t care for Kenan’s penis line.
• Oh no. Judging from Kenan’s opening dialogue, I’m getting plenty of Anderlette vibes from this sketch.
• Oof. Already, I can see a lot of bad signs here.
• OH NO. Is this sketch gonna be about Cecily not knowing all her lines? Gee, never seen THAT before. [/end sarcasm/]
• Oh dear God, there are way too many Anderlette signs peppered throughout this sketch. The goofy accents, the random non-sequiters, the main comedic conceit, the casting of Cecily, nothing is working here.
• Kenan’s trying his best here, but the material is giving him nothing.
• I do not need to see Mikey here, as he’s pretty much derailing this even FURTHER with his explaining.
• And now we get the addition of dogs?! Yeah, please end this sketch NOW.
• Awful bit with Bowen knowing all of the lines.
• Overall, this sucked. Definitely one of the worst sketches I’ve seen this season. Oh, please, please, please let next week’s episode be Cecily’s last, so I don’t have to put up with shit like this.

Rating: *

American Inventors

• Solid delivery from Selena at the start.
• Steve Martin!
• Aidy’s facial expressions are killing me.
• Fitting casting of James.
• A huge laugh from the moment with Aidy being fooled by snakes.
• I love the way the various pranks are being presented in a very old-timey manner.
• Selena’s concerned facial expression is making me laugh.
• I love the usage of an old photo of Steve.
• Great ending.

Rating: ****½

Musical Performance – “Cooped Up” ft. Roddy Ricch

• Nice outfit that Selena’s wearing.
• Ah, why is Post’s voice so heavily autotuned?!
• Dude, tone it down with the tattoos.
• Post’s voice seems rather raspy, and it’s not really working for me.
• I’m finding myself rather bored with this chorus.
• Nice to see Roddy Ricch here, after his contact with COVID cancelled his SNL performance.
• Not loving Roddy’s voice. His flow is fine, but I’m finding his rapping very monotone and boring.
• Post’s humming isn’t doing much for me.
• It’s over already?! What’s the deal with these rap songs being too short?

Rating: **

Weekend Update

• The audience applause is going on a bit longer than usual.
• A huge laugh from the “Mercury in Retrograde” joke.
• I liked Colin’s whole Mad Max bit.
• Ha, the return of the Mitch McConnell joke.
• Ah, Colin’s Mitch joke made me laugh.
• I didn’t get Colin’s ISIS joke.
• Oh yeah, Apple’s discontinuing the iPod. That’s a bit sad, but I kinda see why they’re doing that.
• (*Jesse sees Baby Yoda on the screen and proceeds to stare at the screen in silent, furious anger for the entire commentary*)
• (*Jesse then finds a crowbar and uses it to smash his laptop to bits, without even considering the consequences like the genius he is*)
• Oh, please, please, please let next week’s episode be Kyle’s last, so I don’t have to put up with shit like this. And yeah, I just used that joke twice in this review, shut up.
• A Barbie with hearing aids? That sounds like a bad idea.
• Ooh, I’m liking the change of pace with this Sarah commentary.
• I love the implications that Sarah doesn’t care for Colin.
• Ah, Sarah’s slaying me as usual with her typical delivery.
• This whole scene in Colin’s office is a riot. I literally cannot stop laughing during this commentary.
• Ha, Colin can’t contain himself, and I’m loving every minute of it.
• The “intern cage” is freakin’ HILARIOUS.
• A huge laugh from the bit with Michael reading a joke that was likely written by Sarah.
• An overall standout commentary from Sarah as usual. The disparity in quality between this and the Kyle commentary is another excuse for a cast overhaul. Oh, and one more thing: please, please, please, can Sarah be promoted to the main cast next season?

Rating: **** (Baby Yoda brought it down half a star)

The Three Daughters

• Mikey still can’t do a British accent for shit.
• Is this the same set they used in last week’s cold open?
• Decent performance from Selena.
• What’s the main joke here? Normally, these types of sketches would make Kate weird, but she’s not annoying me, and she’s actually tolerable. So…what’s the joke?
• Something about this sketch feels a bit aimless.
• Oh, so the joke is Mikey trying to figure out which one is weird. While I appreciate the slight change in formula, that doesn’t change the fact that something about this sketch feels off.
• An alright ending.

Rating: **½

Bitch House

• Nice to see a Punkie showcase.
• Oh, so now this turns into a rap video.
• There is some nice rapping and visuals here, but I’m not finding myself too interested in the direction this is taking.
• Our obligatory sketch appearance from Post Malone.
• An okay “angry sex” bit.

Rating: ***

Models

• I like the pairing of Ego and Bowen.
• I almost thought for a second that Selena was Cecily. I think the hair threw me off.
• Didn’t care for the brief modeling bit.
• I like Chloe’s somewhat-smug delivery of “17”.
• Not caring too much for Selena’s delivery.
• It’s over already? That felt somewhat underwritten. I wonder if it was intended to be longer, but they had to cut it down due to timing issues. After all, this is the eleventh segment of the night.

Rating: **½ (being somewhat generous)

Musical Performance – “Love/Hate Letter” ft. Fleet Foxes

• Selena’s intro was cut off by my feed.
• Nice use of a gospel choir.
• Is that The Weeknd I’m hearing in the opening harmonizations?
• Not caring too much for Post’s autotuned voice. It’s coming off much worse than it does in the studio recording.
• Nice addition of big drums, and they’re giving this performance a slight boost in quality compared to the first performance.
• Post is trying way too hard during the chorus, but it’s doing nothing for me.
• Huh, Post is starting to shed a tear.
• And it’s over already? Wow, this felt way too short.

Rating: *** (the execution raised this up a star)

Baby Monitor

• Fitting casting of Selena.
• Not caring for Kyle’s performance.
• A huge laugh from the cutaway to Bowen and Sarah with dead eyes.
• I’ll be honest, this is okay so far, but for Sarah Sherman standards, this feels a bit below par for her usual creative pieces.
• I like the use of huge prop bread for the moment where Bowen and Sarah eat bed.
• Post Malone is slaying me in his performance as a baby (one of the few times you’ll hear me praise Post).
• This whole “baby monitor” bit near the end is slaying me.
• The ending felt a little too abrupt.

Rating: ***½

Final Thoughts

• The billionth consecutive average episode. For the most part, there wasn’t anything here that flopped too hard, and we got a few segments that are sure to go in my best-of (including the Sarah commentary), there were also some segments that I flat out did not care for, including that dreadful theater sketch. There were also quite a number of segments that felt a little too underwritten and ended a little too quickly.
• Selena Gomez was a decent host, which shouldn’t come as a surprise given her Disney Channel background, but there were moments where I didn’t care for her delivery, and at times, she sounded eerily similar to Kim Kardashian (*shudder*), but that wasn’t too apparent throughout the night. Regardless, now that Selena’s hosted, and seeing as how Miley Cyrus and Ariana Grande have previously hosted before in Seasons 36, 39, and 41, the eyes all turn to Demi Lovato. But that’ll never happen.

Rating: ***

Next Week:

Season 47 comes to an end, with host Natasha Lyonne and musical guest Japanese Breakfast